“Is it wrong that I want to have sex with my girlfriend?”
The generally clean-cut teen who asked the question was obviously more than a little uncomfortable saying it, and I watched for a moment as he sunk back down in his chair, blushing. Before he started looking like he wished he had a shovel to dig himself a hole, I replied, “No, it isn’t wrong that you want to have sex.”
A side glance at the minister in the room told me he was furious, but I didn’t care. “But, it’s a sin, isn’t it?” another voice from the group chimed in, but I wasn’t sure which teen said it. “No, sex is not a sin, and no it isn’t just for making babies,” I anticipated the next shoe to drop, and took a deep breath. “I know your church teaches you that sex is a sin outside of marriage, but I also know it teaches that sinners are able to be forgiven. The reality is that sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest reasons why marriages fail, behind money problems.”
“Infidelity is why marriages fail,” the minister interrupted.
Not skipping a beat, “The primary cause of infidelity is sexual incompatibility, or are you suggesting that people who are happy with their sex lives look beyond the marital bed?”
The minister glared at me, but remained silent. I smiled slightly as the teens in the room looked on in shock at our exchange. “I’m not suggesting that it is alright for you all to go out and have sex with anyone and everyone you like. I am saying that if you find yourselves in a very close relationship with someone, and you both feel that you’re ready to have sex, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Of course, you should be very careful, and use condoms and another form of birth control.”
That conversation with a group of teens in a church was the direct result of a member of the congregation losing a teen daughter to suicide. She had sex with her boyfriend, got pregnant, and killed herself, presumably out of fear and guilt. It’s been over a decade since I had that conversation with those kids. I’d like to say that times have gotten better, but they haven’t.
Today, there is an entire cottage industry of guilt that perpetuates the need for supposed mental health assistance. Organizations make people feel guilty for actions they may or may not regret when it comes to sex, and then offer programs to resolve that guilt through brainwashing. One of them decided to “dissect” a Kinsey Institute study for Life Site News. The Kinsey study determined that remaining a virgin until marriage is falling out of fashion in the US, which isn’t surprising given the fact that the median first marriage age is hovering close to thirty years of age.
Priceonomics collected that data from the UN, but oddly enough that isn’t mentioned at all by the “expert” enlisted by Life Site News. Jennifer Roback Morse dissected the Kinsey study, and is conveniently the founder of one of the guilt industry organizations. That means she was more interested in pushing her own agenda, than actually being honest. To be crystal clear here, we should look at her words in context.
“The first thing to notice is the study is from the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, where the stated mission, ‘to advance sexual health and knowledge worldwide,’ served as a blueprint for the promotion of promiscuity and perversion, a precursor to the sexual revolution,” she said. “This is where Alfred Kinsey masturbated, took photos of his and others’ genitals, and basically firebombed his students’ natural wall of modesty.”
Morse then dissected the study’s abstract in less than one minute. “Notice the goal is for individuals and society to become ‘more sex positive.’ What does that mean? It’s a made-up word, meaning, ‘Have no conscience about promiscuous sex.’ That’s your tip-off that this ‘study’ is really just propaganda for the sexual revolution.”
The pro-marriage champion explained, “You see, in order to promote and expand the sexual revolution — in order to make what is harmful and demeaning look normal and even good — proponents need to deliver a steady diet of propaganda to their victims.”
Morse then took on the study’s characterization of virgins as “developmentally off-time.” “This basically tells the gullible that since everybody is having sex at the age of 10, if you wait until 12, there’s something wrong with you. You’re ‘off.’ You need to change your value system to conform to the norms of the sexual revolution.”
“While it is true that young people who are virgins often feel out of step with many of their classmates in terms of experience, the Kinsey Institute puts a spin on that, like being a virgin is a bad thing,” the pro-family leader said.
“Rather than tell the truth that Kinsey et al. started an extremely harmful movement, which promises enlightenment yet delivers only lies and disillusion — much like a certain serpent in a certain garden — the message is that virgins should be ashamed of their honor, and hurry up to find someone — anyone — to have sex with.”
“They are promoting the negative stigmatization of virtue,” Morse summarized.
After debunking the study, Morse exposed the true idea behind its conclusions. “The abstract admits, ‘Although abstaining from sexual activity may bestow some health advantages, our studies show that being a sexual “late bloomer” may result in negative interpersonal consequences such as limited opportunities for romantic relationships.’ Yeah, health advantages like no STDs, no sterility … So, in short: ‘Hey all you guys and gals dragging your feet, you need to get on with losing your virginity!’
“That message is ridiculous.”
First, Morse apparently is unfamiliar with normal human development, since she doesn’t recognize the fact that there is no such thing as “natural modesty.” Children have to be taught to be modest. Any parent of a toddler or pre-schooler can tell you about that, since many of them have to tell their children not to disrobe or partially remove clothing in public. Children who don’t do that learn from the actions of adults around them, without having to be specifically prompted.
If you caught the reference to children aged 10 or 12 engaging in sex, you weren’t misreading. Yes, Morse thinks that sex positive people want children who are too young to consent to sexual activity to have sex. No, being sex positive doesn’t mean promoting pedophilia, child sex in any form outside of normal developmental activities involving self love, or promiscuity. We do have issues with attaching guilt to human sexuality in general, though.
Morse is making her living doling out guilt, and then helping people fix themselves after she ripped them down. Her Ruth Institute describes negative sexual behavior as anything someone might engage in outside of marriage. If you’ve ever regretted a single act of passion in your life, Morse believes you need her help. That means that she is lumping victims of abuse and rape in with people who just had a fling they wish they hadn’t. That means it’s unclear whether or not she believes that victims bear some degree of responsibility for crimes committed against them. Now, that is toxic.
Back to that group of teens from a decade ago, their congregation eventually decided that the minister who fought with me needed to move on. They found someone who was less focused on teaching about the evils of fornication, and as of this writing, that woman is still leading them. There haven’t been any more suicides, and instead of abstinence only sex-ed, the church offers classes teaching teens the truth about sex. Beyond learning about sex, the teens are taught about respecting themselves and their partners. Marriages within the congregation have generally been successful, including those of the teens who attended that meeting with me. No one knows if couples are virgins when they marry, because no one asks anymore. That is what being sex positive is all about.